Ace of Hearts
by sicklittlesuicide
Summary: It is never a simple thing, to give up on a marriage. Rory Huntzberger leaves her husband, but for what reason? Will they find their way to each other again?
1. Now she's gone in the atmosphere,

_Author__'__s__Note__: __Hello__there__, __fanfiction__friends__. __I__haven__'__t__done__this__in__a__long__time__, __but__I__hope__this__reaches__someone__. :) __So__, __basically__, __in__an__effort__to__delete__stories__I__had__no__intentions__of__finishing__, __I__deleted__this__story__before__realize__that__it__was__in__fact__, __finished__. __So__I__'__m__retweaking__it__, __adding__some__more__magic__, __and__resubmitting__it__. __Let__me__know__if__you__love__it__, __or__hate__it__. __I__'__m__excited__to__be__apart__of__the__community__again__. :) _

**Rory**

It hadn't been right for a while. We had been through much together; I used to think we could handle anything. But now, now things were different. We hardly spoke anymore. He was always away and when he was home our relationship was cold. I didn't think it would get this bad. I never thought I'd lie next to my husband of four years and wonder if he still loved me, if he regretted marrying me. I never though I'd lose hope in my marriage, especially with him. I hadn't taken the decision lightly, I had thought about it for months. He had given up on our marriage 6 months ago, why should I continue? Why should I fight a battle I had already lost?

It's funny how doubt works sometimes. From the moment I married Logan, everything had sorta fell into place. We had fell into a routine that flowed so well, it was hard to imagine the times before. I can't think of a time in my life that I was happier than we were first married, when we were so in love, it showed in every aspect of our lives. But the funny thing is, it only took one brief moment of doubt. The seed was planted, and continued to grow. And we are left with this big mess that keeps piling up. At this point, all I can hope is that Logan finds someone who truly makes him happy, because it wasn't me. I just couldn't give him what he wants anymore, what he deserves. We've past the point of no return.

It was a sad moment for me, when I folded up my note of surrender, and stuffed it inside the envelope. I didn't bother to lick it closed, knowing it would only delay the inevitable. But before I did, I stopped and looked around the house that I and Logan had picked out years ago. This was the first home Logan and I had ever made together, and I knew if I thought about it too much, it would become too hard to leave. The walls looked so bare from the missing items. I was taking the touch of me out of this apartment, leaving only Logan. I felt a rush of emotion come over me. It came as a pressure in my chest, like my heart was realizing that this was all real, this was all really happening. There was no way around from the truth: I had invested 6 years into a relationship that was ending in a divorce.

**Logan**

It seemed like these days, the work never stopped. I was finally coming home after a 2 week trip to England, getting things set up with my offices down there. Sometimes I thought coming home to Rory was the only thing that kept me sane anymore. Coming home to Rory was the only meaningful thing about my life, the rest was all mundane and lifeless. As I drove towards our home, I couldn't help but think about the woman who would be waiting for me. Things had been strange lately. I had been working so much, and when I was home, she would distance herself. I would reach for her, and she would pull away. The distance between us was starting to drive me a little mad, and my mind instantly started coming up with plans to warm my wife up a little. A weekend away, perhaps. Free of cell phones and jobs, we could be together just us again. God knows we needed the vacation.

I turned my car into our driveway, and got out of the car with a renewed energy. I didn't even notice that Rory's car was not in it's usual spot in my excitement to see her. But as soon as I walked into the house, I couldn't not notice the difference. It was darker. It was somehow colder. Like all the light had left. My mind instantly when into a tailspin, trying to come up with reasonable excuses for this. I instantly went to our bedroom, and noticed the same thing. The pictures were gone, of Rory and her Mom, and various other poses. The only one that remained, that sat on our dresser, was the only taken on our wedding day. The sight frightened me. Like this picture frame, that once showed me all the hope and happiness in the world, was now a sick reality. In that moment, I was afraid.

My eyes were drawn to the white envelope that laid on her pillow. I recognized her handwriting immediately, and my pounding heart dropped to my stomach, and then fell out of my chest altogether. I read it slowly, taking in every word as if my Ace was standing next to me, letting the words glide out of her beautiful lips that I had fallen in love with. I reread it again, I let it sink it. My wife was gone. I laid down on the bed she wasn't going to be occupying with me tonight. I wondered if there was anything I could do. Rory hadn't given up on me since I meet her, was I really going to let her walk away? I knew I had screwed up. I knew I had to fix it. I couldn't give up on my Ace. I couldn't believe I had let his happen. I knew things had been rocky for a while, but I was hoping to rectify the situation. What could I possibly do now?


	2. Is there any cure for this disease?

Author's Note: Hello there again! I proudly present to you this newly rewritten chapter. It is completely different from the original that was deleted, and I secretly hope that you all love it. :)

This story deals with the breaking of a marriage, and a person. Although it is a love story, it is bound to be a little sad. But I'll try my best to show the good, happy Rory and Logan too. Cause I know that is what you all want to see!

"Is there any cure for this disease someone called love?" Green Day, _80_

**Rory**

My eyelids flutter behind my slumbering lashes, blissfully unaware of the events of my waking world. Logan's arm was draped around my waist as we lounged in the late morning sun that streamed through the open window. The sun laid across both of our bare backs, and he smiled at me. I knew in that moment, I needed that smile more than I needed the sun. It warmed up me and gave everything I did purpose. And when he reached across our linked arms, and pressed his lips to mine as he trailed his hand down my spine, I knew there was never anything I would cherish more than these moments with him. He could be my world, and I could be his. We could live like this forever.

The sweat dripping down my face is what woke me from my peaceful sleep. I woke disoriented. My first instinct was to reach for Logan's body, so comfortable next to mine. It almost was laughable to me, that my ignorance could cause such a pain. I instantly pushed it away, not willing to deal with the reality of the situation in front of me. Before another single thought, I pushed myself from my bed.

Today, I was having lunch with Stephanie. She was one of the few people I could call a true friend. She had a knack at seeing right through me, no matter how carefully guarded I plan to be. She also tended to make my problems hers, in a way that only a best friend could. I dreaded telling my closest friends about the divorce. Colin and Finn were nitwitted at the best of times. But sometimes they had moments of profound nitwittedness. I worried about what our divorce would do to our close knit of friends, but I couldn't put it off any longer. I would have to tell Steph today.

I pulled my purse strap higher on my shoulder, and my mind wander to the manila envelope that laid inside. A stack of papers that changed the course of the rest of me life. It hadn't been easy to even look at those papers, but I knew the only right thing to do was to deliver them to Logan myself. I couldn't let a lawyer do what I knew I had to. Logan and I had vowed our lives to each other, and for it to end so tragically, I couldn't not see him.

I pushed those tell-all papers, and thoughts of him, aside as I walked up the path to the resturant. I saw Stephanie's smiling face as she waved me over to our table. I tried my best to put on a smile, even if it was just a facade. I didn't feel like I thought I would. I felt sad, I felt wrong somehow. Like my mind was telling me what my body didn't want to accept. There was no turning back now.

**Stephanie**

I put my purse on the side of my chair, as I sat down. I looked at my watch, and noticed the time. Rory was always here before me, usually typing away on her computer, desperate to get a few more minutes wherever she could. Seeing our usual table empty was not what I was used to seeing upon walking into our place. I sat down and debated calling her, but decided against it.

It wasn't a secret to any of us that her and Logan were having problems. Not because of anything that has been said, but by the way they act towards each other. I've been friends with both of them a long time, it doesn't take much to notice that they aren't their sickeningly normal selves. It was small things, like he didn't try to hold her hand. Logan loved to make her blush with public shows of affection. Suddenly, they didn't touch. They leaned away from each other.

I saw Rory before she reached the door, and pondered her appearance before she knew I saw her. Her eyes were down, her hair messy and face puffy. And I knew my suspicions about her and Logan couldn't be far off base. She came in my direction and I offered her a smile. This was my best friend, after all. She had disaster written all over her. She gave me a weak smile, one that I instantly saw right through.

She sat down across from me somewhat nervously and let out a long breath. "Before I breath another breath, I need a cup of coffee." She said dramatically as I pushed my full cup over to her. For as long as we have been friends, I knew not to stand in the way of Rory Gilmore and her coffee.

She started to tell me about work, about the tons of research she had to get for her latest article, but her heart wasn't in the conversation. She sipped on the coffee, and contemplated her words carefully. It was almost as if she was afraid what she needed to say would spill out. I waited patiently.

Her phone rang, somewhere deep inside of her jean pocket, but she didn't reached for it. I recognized the ring tone, a love song that was reserved only for Logan. I looked up at her, but she did not meet my eyes.

"Trouble in paradise?" It wasn't like Rory to make her problems known, but sometimes she did without even meaning to.

She took a deep breath, the internal struggle apparent on her face. "We're getting a divorce."

My mind tried to wrap around that image. No, that couldn't be possible. I must have heard her wrong.

"Say what now?" I said forcefully, entirely shocked and awwed. I didn't have my filter on my mouth, and unfortunately, that meant I only ever had the most graceful things to say. Graceful, but sarcastic things to say.

"It's over, I moved out." I watched her lips move as she told me, and heard the words as she said them, but they didn't make any sense. Rory and Logan were meant for each other. We all have known that for as long as we've known them.

"What happened?" I asked. I was trying to decipher the look on her face. Rory was never a good liar, and I could practically smell the lie, even if she couldn't.

"Nothing happened. It's just not working anymore. It hasn't for months. I can't make it work anymore." She said, somewhat agitated. I could see the control she was fighting herself for. She didn't want to show her hand. But her trademark blue eyes looked on the verge of breaking down.

"So you're leaving Logan? You love him." It was obvious that she loved him. She played with her napkin, wringing it out in her hands. She was nervous, I realized.

"Steph…" She stalled, looking for the right words as writers tend to do. "I just can't do this right now. It's something I have to do." She looked up from her napkin and my eyes fell onto her face. As she spoke, I could feel her resolve slipping as her words became absent behind her tears.

The emotion behind the tears was evident as her shoulders slumped down, and her head fell into her hands. I was up in an instant, putting my arms around my tearful friend and hugging her tightly.

"We never talk." She said behind the sniffles she was trying to control. "He's not willing to work with me." Her eyes were so sad, they hardly looked like they could belong to Rory anymore.

"But divorce, Rory? Are you really sure that you can't salvage things?" I said quietly. This girl was my best friend. I might not agree with it, but this was the reality of the situation in front of her, and she needed to be sure.

She took a long breath then. This was not easy for her, that much was obvious.

"There is nothing left to salvage." She barely managed to say. It came out as a crippled whisper, like it took everything she had to say it.

"Don't you love him?"

"That isn't relevant anymore, Steph. I just want him to be happy and I'm not going to make him happy." She choked out as she continued to cried harder. "And why am I crying? I left him, I shouldn't get to wallow. I don't get to cry!"

She sank down into my arms, and cried into my chest. It was classic Rory Gilmore, to be this hard on herself. My heart hurt for her, knowing how heavy her own heart had to be.

"Honey, you're trying to divorce your husband. This is Logan we're talking about here. You don't just get over something like that." I told her, rubbing her back as we sat at that same table.

Later that same night, I sat in my living room contemplating. Now, many people would tell me that at this point, I should not butt in. But I had just held my best friend as she sobbed in the middle of a restaurant. If that wasn't crying out for help, I don't know what was.

I dialed Logan's number, not bothering to fight myself on this one. I had to know. Did Rory really have a reason to believe that Logan would be better off without her? That he didn't love her anymore?

I was sure that she had been wrong as soon as Logan answered the phone. He sounded like hell. It wasn't long until her told me what I already knew. That Rory was wrong.


	3. A Perfectly Good Heart

**Author****'****s****Note**: So, I have this little problem with posting chapters as soon as I finish them, because I am excited and want to get it out there as soon as possible. That explains any mistakes you might find. But, if anyone was interested in being a Beta for this story, let me know. I'd be honored. :)

This is a story I wrote when I was sixteen years old. Now re-writing it at twenty-two, I naturally had to change mostly everything. I love this story, and I hope you are all enjoying it too. I encourage you all to review, and tell me what you think. Thanks to those that have reviewed already, it means more than you know.

This story was originally six chapters. Six, or maybe seven chapters with an epilogue, will be it for this story. But, I've had so much fun writing it, this will not be the last you've heard from me!

"Why would you want to break a perfectly good heart?" Taylor Swift, **'****A****Perfectly****Good****Heart****.'**

The freeway packed. So unusually packed. The honking cars were upset by the traffic. The red break lights were so bright, it made the shattered glass look like blood. So much blood that it had to belong to someone. Someone who was hurt. There must have been an accident, I had realized. The twisted pieces of hot metal confirmed that. Was this really happening? It seemed so surreal, that I could be witnessing this, yet not participating.

And where was I exactly? It occurred to me that this must be reality, even though it seemed that I wasn't experiencing this through my own eyes. It was like watching a disaster in slow motion as peopled yelled at a flaccid, broken body. They were trying to save someone. Laying limpless on the ground, it didn't look good. The body was contorted in such a sickening way, yet it oddly didn't bother me. I rose above it all, away from all of these worrying people. I could be free, if I wanted to be.

But something about the figure stopped me. The being didn't move, didn't try to fight. Did they have a family? Didn't they realize that they probably had loved ones at home, waiting for you to bring home the milk?

I had to see. This person who lay on the gravel, bleeding and dying. The face looked like it was pretty once, but was now stained with despair and pain as red as the blood itself. Surely, this fragile creature could be saved. This person was loved, and that love would save them from this broken flesh, these broken bones.

Everything was red. Everything was lost.

**Finn**

I had definitely made some questionable decisions in my time. There was the night that I ended up in a Turkish jail house after spending the night with a gender confused call girl. There was even the time that I woke up on the roof of Yale's library, completely naked and tied to a chair. And they perceive me as a drunken fool? At least I came with a warning label. I knew when I was making a stupid decision. Rory and Logan? They sit back and watch it happen, and tell themselves it's right.

The scene in front of me would almost be humorous, if it wasn't in fact, pathetic. I nudged Colin in the ribs, as we looked at the remains of the man our best friend once was. The house was once filled with proof of their love, like a two story Rory and Logan museum. Now, it was trashed, like Logan's head must be. Man, he had really done a number on this place. This was what Logan was like without Rory to stable him.

Logan Huntzberger, who had once been one of the three infamous for being eternal bachelors, no longer looked like a man, much less an actual living person. He sat on the floor, in the shatter remains of broken glass, torn pages, and empty bottles. The only thing that was holding him up was the back of the couch. It had been a week since we had heard from him, and we figured it was time to make sure he wasn't dead. No, he wasn't dead. But boy, did he play the part well. His face was pale and unshaven, and looked older. Like this week had aged him several years.

"What in hell are you doing, Mate?" I asked incredulously, getting a good look at the room around me. It was in pieces, this home was. It was like he hadn't moved from this room in seven days, and judging by the smell, he probably hadn't.

There sat Logan, with a bottle in one hand, and a thick steak in the other. He looked up at us, as if he was just seeing us standing there for the first time. I looked at Colin, who stood unimpressed, and we looked back at him. The man was eating a steak with his bare hands, for fucks sake!

"She took the steak knifes, man." He choked out before he took a mouth full of meat that muffled his cries. "She took the steak knifes and left me with a steak! How the hell am I supposed to cut this?"

I was unsure how to handle this drunken crying mess of a man. I had never seen him like this, hell, I had never seen anybody like this. He wasn't himself without Rory, that much was obvious.

Colin had never gone this long without talking in his entire life, but he reacted faster than he had at a wet t-shirt contest in November. He reached out, his closed fist connecting with Logan's jaw. The half eaten steak flew out of his hands as he fell backwards in a truly comedic fashion. If I was a better man, I probably would not have let myself laugh. But good for me that I was not a better man. I was a drunk man. And this was hilarious, in a sorta not so funny way.

"Hey!" He protested, and within seconds, was on his feet. Sneaky thinking, Colin. The guy needed reminding that was was in fact, alive and had not died like he believed he had.

"Get a hold of yourself!" Colin loudly proclaimed, another shock that Logan needed. He exhaled loudly in response, as I was sure that in his mind, he was returning that punch Colin had just laid on him. No, he was probably picturing taking Colin down, and showing him just how mad he was.

"You sound like a teenage girl, mate." I nodded in agreement. "A hormonal one."

He took a deep breath, but didn't say anything. He looked at us, and seemed to realize how the trashed apartment, and his hobo-like appearance would look to us. "Yeah, I guess I am starting to lose my mind."

"By the looks of this place, you've already lost it." I pipped in, kicking a pile of wood that had once been a side table. I couldn't say that I wouldn't do the same, if I had been in the same position.

Logan looked away from us for a few moments, and part of me knew that this was hard on him, but the more manly part of me thinks that he needs to get the bloody hell out of this apartment.

"Look man, you can't live like this. Come get drunk with us. Go back to work. Anything, if not just because it smells like a foot in here." Colin looked truly disgusted looking around the once homey living room. He was always a bit of a pansy.

"And shave that roadkill off your face!" It reminded me of the time we had to tie Colin down and force shave him in his Jesus-Rock Star wanna be phase. We had done it for him, and dammit, we would do it for Logan. "Or we'll do it for you."

I stepped forward, ready to tackle him, if need be. But surprisingly, I didn't see the look of someone who was about to make a run for it. He looked reserved, and relieved. It was like he was glad that we were forcing him. Someone needed to.

"No need, gentleman. I'll get in the shower and meet you both back down here." He said, standing up a little straighter.

My eyes instantly went to Colin, who grimaced at the idea of having to stay in this room. "Actually, Colin is going to wait in the hallway, because this place is freaking him out." I mocked him, and earned the scowl he gave me. "As for me, I am going to go find your scotch. It's been way too long since I've had a drink."

**Logan**

I was typing furiously, pushing myself to work faster than I had ever previously done. If I was busy working, I couldn't be busy thinking about Rory. Today had been the first day back to work, and I was grateful for the huge stack of paper work on my desk. Sure, this meant long hours, blurry vision and nights of cold coffee, but what reason did I have to go home anyway? As long as I was here, with my elbows deep in work, I could be distracted. The second I go home, there is no hiding from it. There is nothing to distract me from the fact that I'm sleeping alone.

It didn't occur to me until today how much this work could consume a person's life. In a sickening way, I knew it had to remind Rory of my Dad. He was never there for his wife either. But regardless, she stayed.

For that reason, and that reason alone, I did not blame Rory for leaving me. We had promised each other so much before we got married. That we wouldn't turn into my parents, drunken, society ridden, and workaholics. We promise that we wouldn't become like her parents, never in the same place at the same time, and bitterly divorced. For a long time, it seemed like we succeeded at that. We were happy, we spent every moment we could with each other. Hell, we were even trying to have a baby! What the hell had happened to all of that?

That thought in particular burned my mind into ash. It was like I had become attached to the idea of mine and Rory's offspring, that it was hard to just let go of that idea now that she showed no interest of being my wife.

Our wedding picture sat on my desk. It was the only picture she had left in the house, and I couldn't bear to leave it there. I knew looking at it that work wasn't distracting me as much as I hoped it would. It had hard to believe it was possible to miss someone this much. It seemed so far fetched that the heart could hold this much emotion, and still walk around. Still breath.

I looked up as my door opened, expecting yet another distraction in the form of my secretary with more paperwork. What I found in my door way was not a distraction as I had hoped, but was everything I was trying to pretend hadn't happened. There stood my wife, looking incredibly uncomfortable. She walked in and closed the door, and I wondered if I was dreaming. Could you possible dream of something this beautiful? I didn't think so.

"Your secretary let me in." She said timidly. I almost laughed. She hadn't spoken to me in over a week, and I had stressed over what she would say to me when she finally did. That never crossed my mind as an option.

"What are you doing here, Rory?" I fixed my eyes on her face. Her blue eyes were shinning more than they usually did. The stood out, and seemed to give the whole room light. Those eyes had done that for me once. They had given me light.

"I.." She started, unsure of her next words. She was nervous. Usually her words were strong. She knew what she wanted to say, and how to say it. Not today, it seemed. "I came to bring you these. It didn't seem right to let a lawyer do it"

I hadn't noticed until that moment the envelope that lay in her hand. The sight of them made me sick. I couldn't look at them.

"I don't want those." I told her clearly. There was no second guessing in my voice. How could she think I'd take those from her? Thar she would be able to sign away our plans for the future, and I would just stand aside and let it happen?

"Logan.." She said quietly, out reaching her hand that held the end of us folding neatly in an envelope. "Please, just take them."

"No." I told her. I wasn't going to make it easy on her. After all, she was leaving me. Did she expect it to me easy?

"You have to!" She told me, her voice slightly raised. She was frustrated. She was frustrated that I wasn't letting her divorce me and walk away.

"No, I really don't." I told her bitterly. I looked up at her, our eyes meeting for the first time. I recognized something there. It was the same look that I had seen this morning, when I looked in the mirror for the first time since she had left our house empty. It was the look of complete devastation. It was heart break, pure and simple.

"You have to accept what is, Logan. We don't belong together anymore." The words slipped out of her mouth so carelessly, like she actually meant them.

I stood up, unable to control the frustrated urge to tell her exactly how wrong she was. "Dammit, Rory. I love you. And I know you love me!"

"I can't do it anymore." She told me simple, but I saw right through it. She was telling herself that more than she was telling me.

I crossed the room in a second, standing in front of her. It had been a while since I had been able to be this close to my wife, and it was hard not to feel it. To feel the drawl that she had over me. She unknowingly pulled me closer with the smell of her skin.

She shook ever so lightly in our close proximity. Her blue eyes shined up at me, on the brim of all the pain we had both felt over these last few months.

"You know we belong together, Ace." I didn't resist, or hesitate. This was still my wife, standing in front of me. I had to take advantage of this moment. I realized the sad truth was that I might now get another chance like this. I pulled her to me, and pressed my lips to hers the way I always had. With Love.

I kissed her hard, savoring the way her lips fit perfectly with mine. These lips that she had, they were meant to be kissed by me. I told her everything, with one kiss. I told her how much I loved her. How much I missed her. How much it hurt to know that she was slipping away from me. She didn't pull away from me, like I feared she might. Her lips told me just as much, but the moment was brief.

She pulled away from me and looked at me sadly. He fingers brushed against her lips, as if she was feeling it all over again. The tears spilled over her beautiful eyes as she stepped back. "I'm sorry Logan. I have to do this." She put the envelope on the first surface she found, and ran away. I didn't have the power to stop her in that moment. I stood in the spot that we had just shared a kiss. I just hoped that it wouldn't be the last one.

**Rory**

I was a coward, and I knew it. I turned away from Logan, and ran for my life. He had stood there so honestly, not scared to let me in, to give me everything he had. Yet I ran, because I was not like him. That was what had drawn me to him in the first place. He was unlike me in all the important ways, so courageous in ever step he took, while I stood timidly, afraid to take a step. And when I was with him, I could be like that too. He taught me to be brave, just by choosing to love me.

I didn't have that anymore.

I didn't stop running through the lobby, or when I burst through the front door. I ran until I literally couldn't breath anymore. My knees buckled under me, and I collapsed on myself. Air left my lungs, yet I couldn't replace it with new oxygen. That kissed that we had just shared, that burning kiss, had left me in pieces.

I was instantly reminded of a similarly intense kiss. It was over four years ago, the day that I had married Logan. The whole day had been a mess. Everyone was running around, stressed about the flowers and the chairs and the preacher. But I couldn't find myself really caring about that stuff. Mom had helped me get into my dress, and I stood in front of the mirror. My stomach was in knots, twisted with nervousness and longing.

To look at myself, wearing this beautiful dress, it was astounding to me. To know that Logan, the love of my life, was waiting to marry me somewhere in the building was almost too much for me to bear. To know that I was one of the lucky ones, to find my other half and tie myself to them every way possible.

I was shaking as Luke took my arm, and prepared to walk me down the isle. The moment I saw Logan, standing there I knew that there was never going to be anything that meant as much as he did, that this moment with him did. He was looking at me so intently, it was like no one else was there. These were the moments that we lived for. A moment of clarity, I had realized. Suddenly, everything made sense because we were it for each other.

The ceremony was short, and sweet. Exactly how we had wanted it. When we were pronounced united, Logan looked at me, and I was sure that he saw my heart and soul, waiting there for him to take. They were his, and always would be. He kissed me then, and robbed me from breath. A kiss like that doesn't come all the time, I had learned.

I sat there for a long time and thought. I knew all of the reasons I had to do this, but it hurt to hurt him so. Nothing I could say could make this right again. It was too far gone, and I would have to live with myself for the rest of my life. I would have to live knowing I gave up the one person that gave my life reason. But at least he could go off, and find what he deserves to have. Because he isn't going to have it with me.

To say the journey to Stars Hallow was blurry would be putting it lightly. It wasn't a question for me, where I would go. When everything fell apart, there was only one person I could go to, one place that would welcome me back with loving, sarcastic arms.

_This__place__will__never__change__, _I thought as I stood in front of my childhood home. I walked in and left the feeling of home wash over me. It was comforting, if nothing else. I didn't have to look for Mom, she was sitting on the couch with a movie on. My beautiful Mother, who was probably waiting for her husband to close the diner and come home to her. She probably didn't expect me to come, in shambles, nonetheless.

"Mom?" I didn't realize how scratchy my voice would sound. I sounded like someone who was hardly keeping it together. I sounded like I was struggling for breath, drowning in problems I created myself. I was all of those things. I was a broken person.

"Rory?" Mom didn't waste a second, she was off the couch and in front of me, surveying the pieces of my severed heart and soul. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"I needed my Mommy." Those were the only words I was able to get out before the storm took me over. My Mom sat with me on the floor, and let me cry the tears of a real person. Little did she know that I wasn't a real person anymore. I was incomplete.


	4. You Can't Just Turn It Off

**Author****'****s****Note****: **Hello again! I am here to present to you, chapter four! This chapters is titled after one of my all time favorite sad love song. Check it out if you have a moment. Sorry for the sadness, guys. But this is Rory and Logan we're talking about here. Dramatic all the way. :)

I'm currently a full time student, and am looking for a job. So, the next chapter might not be up for at least a week of so. And I am still interested in a Beta, so if you know someone, send them my way!

Happy Reading!

**xx**

"Pretty Pathetic" Smoking Popes

"...Desperately determined to reunite some spark between us, she had to feel something for me. A love as strong as ours just doesn't go away. You can't just turn it off."

**xx**

**Rory**

"Nothing will ever be the same." I whispered to myself as I stood in the window. I couldn't help but think of Logan's kiss- a kiss that I could still feel. How long would it be until I didn't remember what it was like to kiss him? I wondered if I could ever forget. I should be grateful for that kiss, since I knew it had to be the last. I should have savored it, but instead it left me feeling sick. No, nothing would ever be the same.

Even the front yard seemed to be different now. That yard held so many childhood firsts. The first time I was brave enough to step on wet grass, and then proceeded to roll around in it. The first time I expressed hope to my Mom about her and Dad. The day I got my college acceptance letter. Having heated arguments with, and being reunited with day I told her I was getting married, and she laughed and cried with me on the lawn because she knew I had found what took her years of struggle to get a hold of. All of that was gone. It was completely changed, and wasn't coming back.

"Rory?" Mom spoke in a soft voice behind me. Lorelai Gilmore did not speak in a soft voice. Nothing seemed familiar anymore.

I hadn't even heard her come in, but there she stood in front of me. She carried bags of junk food. Looking up at her face, I knew she wanted desperately to help me. This was the way she knew how. We sat on the couch, eating ice cream. It wasn't as comforting as it had once been, helping to heal me from my first heartbreak. The couch wasn't as comfortable. I didn't feel comforted.

Maybe it wasn't the lawn that had changed. Maybe it wasn't even Mom's voice, or the ice cream, or the couch that had changed. It was me that had changed so suddenly, so desperately. This emotionally paralyzing numbness had washed over me. I was jagged, and wounded. I was almost unaware of Mom's eyes on me. They carefully studied me, gently taking in the changes in statue.

I knew she had wanted to protect me. She wanted to save me, if she could. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I couldn't be saved. I think she must have sensed the change in me. She reached out, and put her mothering hand on my shoulder. I let my eyes meet hers, and shouldn't have been surprised to see the tears brimming there. I wondered if she could feel my pain, my heart ache, my numbness. I wish I could make it better, if only to keep the people I love from feeling this pain. I had no control over this, yet it seemed to be all because of me.

"I can't stop the wallow, Mom." I told her as honestly as I could. She took me into her arms, like she had on many occasions when I was younger. I was relieved that her touch was still the same. At that moment I could pretend I was a little girl crying in the arms of her mother, instead of an almost divorced train wreck of a person. The kiss between me and Logan had ignited this inside me. It reminded me exactly what I was giving up, exactly what I would miss.

She slept with me on the couch that night. It wasn't easy, considering we hadn't both slept on that couch since our all night Pippi nights. But regardless of that fact, we laid there for hours as my sobs turned to sniffles. Until the bright sun turned to night, and the moon turned to early morning. I could be safe from the world here.

I woke some time later from a dreamless sleep. I hadn't been sleeping very much, and the exhaustion was starting to get to me. I tried to push the memory of his lips away, force it into a box in the back of my head. I wouldn't forget it, but it hurt too much to be thought idea of forgetting that feeling, knowing I would never feel it again terrified me. I sat up from the couch and tried to rub the tried tears from my eyelashes. I didn't have to question where Mom was, since I could smell the coffee coming from the kitchen. I followed the scent without question.

"Morning." I mumbled to Mom as she sat at the kitchen counter, half-empty coffee cup in front of her. I poured myself a cup and sat down. No need for milk or sugar when you needed it to keep your eyes open.

"Hi sweetie." She smiled at me. I could instantly tell that she wanted to say something. In all the years I've gotten to know her, there was rarely a time that she didn't have something to say. I didn't want to open the floodgates of talking about Logan again, but I couldn't get around it after completely breaking down.

"Can I stay here for a while?" I asked her hopefully. I knew that she would never turn me down, and I needed to have some sense of home around me. I didn't want to go to a hotel room, with nothing but the memories to haunt me. It came out as a whisper. "I need to know he's okay before I move anywhere."

"Rory, this is your home. You can always come back here." Such simple words, put together in simple sentences. But it was precious to me, having this place. Mom went silent after that, and I could practically hear the words in her mind.

"I'm okay, Mom." I looked down at my black coffee, not wanting her to see how wrong that statement was.

"I'm worried that you're not." She said plainly. She didn't have to say much else to hit the nail on the head, but of course, she did. She knew me better than anybody. "I'm worried about why you felt you had to make this decision. Rory, please tell me what's going on."

I couldn't avoid her eyes anymore, but I couldn't tell her either. I didn't want to see the look of pity, or her shock. This had become my burden to bear, and I couldn't force it upon anybody. Including my husband. Including my Mom.

"I just can't do it anymore. Please don't make me." I almost cringed at the sound of my voice. That was not something I would say, these are not feelings that I would have. I was never the kind of person to leave their husband without him knowing why. I knew it wasn't fair to him. None of this was fair to him.

It was definitely me that had changed.

**Logan**

I felt lost. I got up every morning and went to work. I worked until I stopped, slept, and repeated the cycle. Once, my life was loud. I would wake up to the stereo, and my wife's voice singing in the shower. She would make her coffee, knocking over every cups in the process. She would call to me from the door when she was excited to see me, and slam the door when she wasn't. She would laugh loudly as she talked on the phone with her Mom, getting the latest scoop on the townsfolk of Stars Hallow.

Now, everything was quite. There was no more blaring stereo, slammed doors, or laughter. None of the life that was once here remained here. The realization of this was enough to drive a man crazy. I was tempted to send her flowers, or hell, even another coffee cart. But I knew that this time, it wouldn't be that simple to win her back. She was slipping away from me, and there was only one thing I could think to do- one person who could help me.

The last time I had gone to Lorelai Gilmore, it had been as a last resort. This time, it was my first, and only chance. My Mother-in-law had not liked me when her daughter first brought me home, and especially the first time I had gone to her, begging her to help me win Rory's heart again. Over the years, she had welcomed me to her family. She had even dubbed me an honorary Gilmore boy. The memory filled me with a sliver of hope. If anybody could help me, it would be Rory's Mom.

I pulled into the Inn's parking lot and made my way to the front porch. I blocked my mind of all memories associated with the Dragonfly. I didn't want to show Lorelai how pathetic I had become. I wanted to win her back, not admit that it could actually be over.

She looked busy, on the phone with a customer, I would imagine. She didn't see me at first when I walked to the desk she stood behind. She indicted she would be with me in a second, without actually looking at me. I had always admired this woman, as more than the woman who mothered my wife. Lorelai Gilmore was a legend, and even a hero to some of us in the Hartford Elite world. Today, I didn't see Lorelai Gilmore, the Mother. I didn't see Lorelai Gilmore, the legend. I saw Lorelai Gilmore, my last hope.

"I knew I would see you eventually." Her voice shook me from my thoughts. "Does this have something to do with my crying daughter?"

I internally cringed, hearing that Rory was in tears. I never wanted her to feel this type of pain. Especially over me. I nodded, unable to find my voice. She seemed to understand this.

"Come on, let's get some coffee." I followed her to the dining room, where we sat down. I was still unsure of what to say. Should I fling myself onto my knees, and beg her to change Rory's mind? It seemed dramatic, but this was a woman who loved dramatics. I'd try just about anything.

"How is she?" I asked timidly, looking at the black liquid in my cup. I had never been much of a coffee drinker, until I met Rory. Heaven's elixir, she would tell me.

Lorelai sighed, pausing before speaking. This was not what any of us had wanted. We both wanted Rory happy, and had known that it was me that had done that. The reality of the situation had sunk in with both of us. No one was happy. "She's hurting."

That seemed to be a theme. I hurt right alongside with her. I couldn't hold it in any longer, I had to know if she could help me. If she could help Rory and I be us again. "I need your help. I don't want this. I need help changing her mind."

I sounded pathetic, I realized. But there was little I could do to help that. I am a pathetic and desperate man. Just put me out of my misery, please. Lorelai studied my face, and I knew she could see the calamity that lay there. She sighed, her face serious. There weren't many times that I had seen her so serious, or serious at all. This was completely different. She felt sorry for me.

"I don't know what I can do." She told me slowly, letting each word fall from her mouth in a careful fashion. "She's even shut me out. She won't tell me why. I can't get her to talk to me. She just sits, and stares off."

I had trouble accepting, let alone hearing those words. To think of my lovely wife left broken, and not being able to make it better. What was she trying to tell me, exactly? I came here thinking she would help us find our way, and it seemed like she was at a loss, too. I didn't respond for what seemed like a long time. What could I say, to make this better? No words seemed to fit.

"Is there no hope, then?" The words spoke for themselves. They slipped from my mouth, saying what I thought I wouldn't be able to. I could feel the tears sting my eyes, tears that I had been fighting off for days. I wouldn't cry- because I was going to get her back. This was the first time I had let myself think otherwise.

"I don't know, Logan."

We sat there for a long time, yet neither of us said another word. I wondered if this was the last time I would see her as her son in law. By loving her daughter, Lorelai Gilmore had accepted me into her family. Never had I felt what it was truly like to be apart of a loving, familiar family. I didn't just gain Rory when I married her, I finally had a family.

When I couldn't sit with my self anymore, I got up to leave. I had nowhere to go, but I couldn't stand the stench of my own misery. I walked away from the Dragonfly Inn with no destination in mind, but I wanted to be where I could still feel Rory. I could still feel the Rory that wanted me as much as I did her. I went passed my car, not willing to be confined to a small space.

I set off through Stars Hallow, passing by many staples that made the town as quirky as it was. A porcelain unicorn store, and several bizarrely named food establishments. It was no wonder that this was where Rory had wanted to get married. It wasn't a choice for her, she had told me one night not long after she had accepted my proposal. She had accepted _that_ proposal, as we laid in our bed naked after appreciating each other's skin. I had proposed to her five times since her graduation night, with various elaborate proposals. But she hadn't felt ready until it was just me and her, with nothing left to hide. She didn't want a big, drawn out society wedding. She wanted me and her, and our families and closest friends to come together at the Dragonfly, and celebrate. I was only too happy to oblige her.

With only my memories to keep me company, I kept walking. I didn't let myself stop walking, in fear of what would happen when I did. I didn't know how I could keep going- keep believing that Rory was going to come back to me, when it was becoming so obvious that she probably never will. I didn't know if I could accept it.

I barely recognized the lake when I walked passed it, and was instantly greeted with the memory of Rory, covered in snow. It had been the first year after we were married, the first winter. We had both taken some time off in order to spend some time in Stars Hallow. Rory begged me to take a walk with her, it was the first snow of the season, she had told me, it's tradition. We walked with her hands in my pockets, pressing her cold fingers into mine. I didn't mind. She tripped on a snow covered rock, and took me down with her. She kissed me, her blue eyes shinning against the snowy white ground. We didn't care about the cold, or the fact that the snow was leaking through our coats and making her long hair wet. We laid in the snow, and kissed slowly. We savored every kiss back then.

Why couldn't she see that it was worth holding on to? At least, I had thought that it was. Knowing that she doubted us enough to give up was inconceivable. Yeah, we had problems, but I thought it would always work out. It was me and her, after all. I had never doubted that she was it for me, from the second I accepted our relationship as serious. But what if I had been wrong all along? What if she was never as sure about me as I was about her? Somehow, I knew that couldn't be right. You can't just turn something like that off.

I walked to the town's edge, and stopped. Could I leave her behind? Live the rest of my life as if I never knew her? I wasn't sure if I could, but knowing that I might have to was enough to make me shiver. Can I fight for someone, who was begging me not to? Maybe Rory Huntzberger was a lost cause. Or maybe I had been the lost cause all along, and she had finally had enough.

"Nothing will ever be the same."


	5. Nobody Said It Was Easy

**Author****'****s****Note****: **Ello' again, readers! For everyone that has been asking me why Rory would dare try to divorce someone like Logan, this chapter explains it all! I put a lot of work into this chapter, including a bit of my soul. I really hope you all like it. And please, review!

"The Scientist" by Coldplay

"Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part."

**Lorelai**

Sitting at the table with Logan, I felt my heart break. My heart broke for him, and for my daughter. Whatever was keeping her from this man was eating her up inside. We sat in silence, after I admitted to him that I wasn't sure that I could help him win Rory back. Logan looked truly defeated, as if he was no longer sure about the life that lay in front of him. I didn't want to crush his hopes, but I had to be honest. Rory had lost herself, and I wasn't sure what it would take to get her back. I wasn't sure how long we sat there with no words, but the emotional tension was thick and unrelenting.

When he left, he seemed to get up in a hurry, as if he needed to get away from me, from the reality of what I had just told him. He couldn't get away from me fast enough, and I couldn't say that I blamed him for that. I had watched Logan grow into a man that was worthy of my daughter, and to watch them fall apart was devastating. I didn't move from my seat at first, instead sat grasping my coffee mug, and thought about my heartbroken daughter at home. This wasn't like Rory, to fall apart so completely. She had grown into a strong woman, who was capable of anything. And yet, she seemed to have to deemed herself worthless.

My phone rang from somewhere besides me, and I picked it up without thought. Hearing Luke's voice was enough to pull me from my internal turmoil. My husband never failed to bring a smile onto my face, even in the darkest of times. There would be no smiles today, I realized as he spoke to me.

"I think you need to come home." His voice was hushed, as if he was trying his hardest not to be overheard. I could faintly hear the sounds of trashing sobs in the background, and my heart instantly went to Rory.

"What's wrong?" The question didn't really need to be answered, yet I was still worried about how severe the situation could be.

"It's Rory. She needs you." Luke didn't need to say the words for me to know exactly what was going on. My feet moved from underneath me, and I was on my way home to my daughter. It was something that I would always do. I would always drop everything to be there for her. It was a Mother thing.

I arrived home in record time, to find that the house looked quiet. The home that Rory and I once lovingly nicknamed the Crap Shack sat as sturdy as ever. The distress that was waiting for me inside could not be detected from where I stood, but once I reached the front door, I could hear the soft sounds of Rory's cries. I found my daughter, and my husband on the couch. Luke held Rory like a Father would, and let her cry into his flannel. The scene would've made me smile, if it wasn't so tremendously sad. Luke had been a Father figure to Rory since I arrived in Stars Hollow with a baby in my arms. He looked up at me, his eyes filled with the sadness that filled up this room. A half empty bottle of gin lay on the floor between them, and it didn't take much for me to understand what had happened while I was gone. Rory was drinking away her problems, and they were following her.

Luke laid my mess of an offspring into my waiting arms, and she held onto me for dear life. It was like she was a little girl again, crying at the death of fictional characters. It was weird, but she was my kid, my daughter, and that was her. But this was different, and no amount of ice cream trips or new books would fix this one. I scratched her back with my nails, the way I had when she couldn't sleep as a baby. Her body shook against me, and I held her tightly until her breathing slowed ever so slightly. She lifted her head to look at me for the first time, and I felt the bleakness, the wholehearted heartache that showed on her face.

"I ruined everything." Her voice was weak from her tears, and I hardly heard her.

"How? Rory, tell me what happened." I pleaded with her. I couldn't save her if I didn't know what I was saving her from.

"He deserves so much more than me." The idea of that was laughable. Logan adored her, that much was painfully obvious. I was surprised that he wasn't outside, at this moment, playing 'In your eyes', or something equally as romantic and painful.

"He wants you. You know he loves you." It seemed ridiculous that she would ever thing otherwise. If it was legal to surgically attach yourself to another person, those two would've done it years ago.

"No, he can't love me. I can't give him what he wants!" Her voice raised in a dramatic matter, the very own dramatic flare that I had passed onto her.

"What, Rory? What can't you give him?" She looked at me, so desperate in need. It couldn't be something that they couldn't work out. Logan wouldn't fight for a lost cause, would he?

What she said next would haunt me. She closed her eyes in frustration, and finally let go. The tension in her shoulders released, and so did her resolve to keep her secret. You can't unhear something like that. It stays with you forever. Her eyes were wide, and hesitate. Like she had been afraid I wouldn't accept her. I hardly even noticed the wetness that cascaded from my eyes, as I pulled my only daughter to me, and cried right alongside with her. I'd stay like this forever, if it would help her.

It wasn't long until Rory's breath evened out, and she finally fell into a crying jag induced sleep. Her hair was disheveled, and her face was red from alcohol and tears. I lay a blanket on top of her, silently hoping her a dreamless sleep. Her waking world had turned into a nightmare, and sleeping could be her only escape. Luke stood in the hallway to the kitchen, wringing his tethered blue hat in his hands. The worry on his face was unmistakable. We hadn't had kids together, but I knew he thought of Rory as his daughter. He wasn't always the most emotional guy, but in moments like this he showed me everything I needed. I held my hand out to him without words, and lead us outside.

Luke held me as I pulled out my phone. Somehow he knew that I would need his strength in this moment. I closed my eyes, and leaned back against my rock, my solid support system. Logan answered on the third ring.

"Don't give up on her." The message was clear.

**Logan**

Emptiness. That is what oozed out of each and every day without Rory. Meaningless words, and meaningless people.

Maybe I would take to the sea, as Rory as I had once upon a time. That was back when life was simple, and all we had to worry about was each other. I remember that night so clearly in my head, I could almost smell the salt in the air. Rory sat looking at me as we sped off into the night, her hair flying all around her. She had the top button of her dress undone, and her cheeks were stained pink from exposure to the cold air. I hadn't realized it then, but that was the night I had fallen in love with her. The lustful look in her unpolluted eyes brought me to my knees. If I could go back to that night, I would have taken her on that boat, and gone as far away as possible. It would be just me and her, and nothing could stand in our way.

When I got home from Stars Hollow that night, it took a lot to make myself enter the house. I'd been avoiding returning here, too afraid that I would drown in the emotional complexities of our memories together. It was the first home that we had made together, and it would never be the same with Rory. She haunted this place, as impossible as it might seem. Her ghost would taunt me, leaving me with nothing but the memories of her awake.

The house was dark, but I didn't move for the switches. The darkness welcomed me, as apart of my recent life. I couldn't be haunted by Rory's ghost if I couldn't see around me. I sat on the couch, unable to pretend I wanted to sleep in our bed. It was not as if I had actually been sleeping lately, anyway. My own inner demons screamed too loud to be tamed in the middle of the night. Maybe the darkness couldn't hide me from the leftover ghost of her. She never left me, really. Always there, always watching.

"_Logan__..."_

That sweet voice, always soft and welcoming. She would wake me up by pressing her breasts into my side, and whispering my name into my ear. It was more effective than any alarm clock money could buy. I had found that waking up to something so naturally lovely made the days a little brighter, and the smiles a little wider. The simplicity of her beauty went beyond the blush of her cheeks compared with ice blue eyes. She made it impossible not to believe in love, and hope. How she would play with my hair, and we would speculate about our future children, with blond hair and blue eyes. How they would be born with my smirk, and her addiction to coffee. The Gilmore/Huntzberger children would rule the world, we had agreed as we kissed late into the night.

That was the summer that everything changed. I had pushed the door to our home open, to find Rory sitting on the floor right next to the door.

"I had to see you as soon as you got home." I didn't question my wife's antics. I simply sat beside her on the floor and wrapped my arms around her.

"Well, you definitely got my attention now." She kissed me, her lips shivering under mine. I pushed her hair away from her neck and paid attention to my favorite spot behind her ear. It was her favorite spot, too.

"Mmm.." She relaxed into my arms and let her hands roam up the back of my shirt, holding her body to mine. "Logan?"

"Yes'm?" I nuzzled into her neck, and trailed my lips teasingly slow alongside her clavicle. She responded to my touch instinctually, with no conscious thought except wanting to be in the circle of my arms.

"I think I'm pregnant." In that split second, I was struck paralyzed. We had only been married about two years, and were still struggling to get our careers on track. And this was the wrench thrown into it.

"You're pregnant?" I raised my eyes from her neck to look at her. The blues of her eyes stared back at me, intensely emotional. My thoughts were so conflicted. This was Rory, my wife. She wouldn't appreciate a freak out at the moment.

"I don't know. I haven't looked at the test yet." She held up the empty box from under her jacket. "I left it in the bathroom. I couldn't look without you."

I nodded, and stood up with my heart pounding straight through my chest. I offered her my hand, but she didn't take it. She was as scared as I was at that moment. We both didn't know what to expect. Her hair waved around her as she shook her head. Without saying another word, I walked to the bathroom. A plastic bowl laid on the counter, covering the test that laid underneath. My wife was quirky, that was for sure.

The house was completely quiet, as I stood at the sink prepared to lift the bowl. Breaths of air caught in my throat, and the pounding of my heart could be felt through my feet. The possibilities of our future was in front of me, visible in that moment. I could see my Ace, big and pregnant with our child. The little bundle, that would have the best from both of us. A Huntzberger child, that did not have to be raised the same that I was. With parents that showed affection to each other. She would be like her Mother, strong willed and beautiful.

"What does it say?" Rory appeared from behind me just after I moved the bowl. I picked up the piece of plastic and studied it. Rory inhaled sharply and held in the breath.

"Negative." Her shoulders fell at the same momentum that my heart dropped to my stomach. She propelled herself into my arms and wiped her newly fallen tears onto my shirt. We embraced, a thick sadness falling over us both. It hadn't been until that moment, that I realized all of the things I never knew I wanted. She wanted it too, my wet shirt was confirming that.

"I wanted it to be positive." Her soft voice broke through the tears, and she looked up at me to gauge my reaction. The possibility of our children was always hypothetical, always off somewhere in the future. Yet, I felt as if we had lost something. How can you grieve for something you only thought you had for a minute?

"Then let's make sure that it is positive next time." Motherhood would look beautiful on Rory Huntzberger. I just knew it. I had decided a long time before that I would do anything to make her smile, to make her happy.

"Are you sure?" She looked at me seriously, watching my face very carefully. She had once told me that she could tell everything I was thinking, with one smile. So, I smiled at her, the smile that I reserved for her in these moments that I could feel the fullness in my heart that only came from her..

"Yes. If that is what you want, too." I hadn't been so serious about anything since I practically begged her to marry me.

Her face lit up, monumentally bright and happy. Her cheeks were a dark shade of pink in the passion and excitement of the moment. She had already given me everything that I thought I could ever want, and now she was offering me something I never knew I needed. An opportunity of a lifetime, some would say.

"I can't wait to have your children, Logan Huntzberger." She didn't waste another moment, as she locked her soft lips with mine.

My phone rang, interrupting the memory and bringing me back to a world of darkness and silence. It startled me away from the ghost of my wife. I didn't put any thought into answering, I just did. Lorelai's voice was strong, much stronger than it had been earlier that day.

"Don't give up on her." Her voice was clear cut, and there was no mistaken what she had said.

"Lorelai?"

"Rory. You can't give up on her. She needs you."

She didn't say anything else to me, and she didn't have to. I had learned to trust Lorelai. I didn't know what had changed in the handful of hours it had been since that afternoon, but I didn't question it. I had lived my life before Rory, never knowing how incomplete of a person I really was. And to let go of her now would be a tragedy in every use of the word. We belong together, and it was as simple as that.

**Rory**

Never had logic failed me so much as it had in the past year. I had once been a logical person. I read books, and conversed myself in a world of literature and facts. I had grown up watching my Dad come in and out of my life, leaving my Mother brokenhearted repeatedly. I didn't know how to really love another person. When I had first met Logan, he didn't fit into anything I considered logical. Logan had turned my life upside down, and showed me that not everything could be learned about in books. He taught me that love and intimacy was much more than the occasional phone call from an absent father. Love was unconditional, and unrestricted.

Now, without him and his expressional smiles, I questioned everything I ever thought I once knew. I couldn't pretend to be the person I was before him, he had consumed me so much that was left of me was the part that missed him. The memories I had of him would have to be enough to continue existing.

The first time I had thought I was pregnant had been the scariest moment of my life as of yet. But strangely, I hadn't been scared of what it would mean for me and Logan. I was scared of how much I wanted it. I wanted to carry our children, and bring them home to be loved mercilessly by both her Mother and Father. Our children would have all of the love Logan and I hadn't had.

And in that moment, when we decided to procreate, nothing but his love was logical. We wanted all of the same things, and saw the same future for us. We were on top of the world, and only the harsh actualities of life. People don't get to be that happy. It doesn't last because life is always around the corner, waiting to pounce. It wasn't natural to get everything you ever wanted, and get to keep it. Hadn't I learned that already? Hadn't that been obvious to me since the beginning?

Month after month, the pregnancy tests came back negative, and my hope would slip away from me. Logan never faltered. He continued to reassure me, after each chagrin test that it was only a matter of time. He told me that we were meant to be parents, and not even biology would stop us. I believed him, there was no doubting his words. He spoke with conviction, never failing to share his love and hope with me. I lived within that hope, letting it make me a strong person, like Logan.

With six months of trying, and no success, I was on my wit's end. My breasts hurts, and I internally cringed at the thought of my period. My stupid, stupid period. The only thing I was sure of, at that moment, was there would be chocolate in my future. Maybe not babies with my husband, but a lot of chocolate.

I remember that day so clearly, it felt like it was only a few days ago, and not a year. Logan was leaving on a business trip early the next morning, and had taken the day off work to prepare, and to sneak in some baby-making time. I had been at work, pouting at the prospect of another week of PMS. He had called me, his voice enough to soothe the upset in my mind. He had asked me to bring home some milk on my way home, for morning coffee. It wasn't an abnormal request, but it's funny the things that are remembered in retrospect.

I never got the milk. Maybe if I had, things would have gone differently. Instead, I had ended up in the bathroom at the paper, taking yet another pregnancy test. I knew Logan would want to take it once I got home, and I'd rather meet him at the door with the disappointing news. No need to keep beating the horse, if he is in fact already dead.

I almost threw the test away without looking at it. I mean, it had been six months already. I could feel emotions coursing through me, setting myself up for another negative. At least that way, I wouldn't feel the heartache associated with the negative sign. I picked up the test from the counter, and let it sit in my hand. It took a moment to really process what I was seeing.

A little pink plus sign.

My heart stumbled, and I could swear that my knees almost buckled. It was definitely positive, this positive test. Never had one little piece of plastic held so much weight. It told me so much more than a possible pregnancy. It was a sign that we had been right all along. Logan had been right. And suddenly, I was out the door. I grabbed my purse, and flew out of the building without stopping for anything.

My first instinct was to go home to my husband, and be in his arms as I told him we would be parents. But I had to be sure. Logan had done so much for me. He never stopped believing that this was not only a possibility, but would be a reality. I had to be sure this was real because I couldn't handle telling him it wasn't. I couldn't disappoint him like that.

I showed up at my doctor's office overwrought, demanding to see a doctor. The receptionist did not take kindly to an over excited woman jumping all over the waiting room. I was about to get everything I ever wanted. All I needed was the confirmation, and I wasn't leaving here until I got it.

Waiting for results was painful. I sat, wringing my hands, letting my fingers run over my wedding band. Logan was waiting at home for me, but he didn't know what he was waiting for. I imagined walking into the door, and greeting with a big kiss, and even bigger news. He would be ecstatic, and spin me in the air in excitement. I would call my Mother, and she would cry and tell me she always knew she would have beautiful grandbabies.

The smile was cemented on my face. I could almost feel myself glowing, and this made me smile wider. I had a pregnancy glow, and it felt amazing. I hugged the doctor when he told me that I was in fact six weeks pregnant. He offered me the opportunity to hear the baby's heartbeat, but I declined. That would be something for both Logan and I to experience together.

I left the building, practically floating on my way to the car. The feeling of happiness washed over me, and I couldn't wait to share it with my husband. Nothing could take that away from me. Not absent Fathers, nor logic. It was all ours, this merriment.

The freeway packed. So unusually packed. The honking cars were upset by the traffic. The red break lights were so bright, it made the shattered glass look like blood. So much blood that it had to belong to someone. This someone was hurt. This was the scene of an accident, that much was obvious. Twisted pieces of hot metal that seemed stained in red. How was this real? It was witnessed, yet did not participate.

Could this be real? Reality seemed far fetched, like an idea someone had once. It didn't seem plausible, that this was actually the disaster unfolded in spades. They yelled so tragically, so slowly at the flaccid, empty body that lay in the middle of it all. The only person who sat still. They didn't realize that the person they were trying to save wasn't there, she wasn't being saved. The sickening way she was twisted against the ground, yet It oddly wasn't bothersome. Witnessing from above, away from all of these worried was freedom, free of the pain of waking life.

The lifeless woman was haunting. She didn't move, didn't try to fight. Did she have a family? Didn't she realize that she probably had loved ones at home, waiting for the milk? This woman who lay on the gravel, bleeding and dying. The face looked like it was pretty once, but was now stained with despair and pain as red as the blood itself. Surely, this fragile creature could be saved. This person was loved, and that love would save them from this broken flesh, these broken bones.There would be no homecomings tonight. Nothing to celebrate. Her husband will wait at home for her, only to be met with bad news. Bad news that would change everything. His wife wouldn't come home tonight, because she float above it all, watching herself lie on the ground from a distance. It was without strife and wholesomely melodic.

But as it was, everything was red. Everything was lost.


	6. Ashes And Wine

**Author's Note: **Hello, new and old readers! This chapter took a ridiculously long time to write. But honestly, I couldn't give you guys anything less than perfection. I put a lot of work into these pages you're about to read, and I really hope you love them as much as I do.

When I first decided to rewrite this story, I said it would only go to the original six chapters. But, I have been playing with the idea of a fluffy epilogue. What do you all think? Would you like to see where our favorite couple is down the road? Say, twenty years? Please review and tell me what you think!

Now, without further ado, I proudly present for your enjoyment, the dramatic conclusion of _Ace Of Hearts. _

Chapter Song: Ashes and Wine by A Fine Frenzy.

**Logan**

It was raining.

The rain brought out the inner child in Rory. She loved to run out into the rain and splash in as many piles as her feet could find. The stories she told me from her childhood were colorful and imaginative enough to feel like you were right there, with her. She would walk home from school with Lane on those familiarly wet Stars Hollow days, and the pull coming from the mud piles was too tempting to ignore. She would hand Lane her books, unwilling to stain their pages, and jump in haphazardly without a care for her clothes. And on occasion, the adult Rory would find herself in mud puddles before coming home from work. She came straight home, and trail mud through our house. Lorelai was never bothered with the streaks of mud on her carpet, and neither was Rory. It was all a part of the tradition, after all.

Needless to say, there was no jumping in mud at the Huntzberger house. No mud fights, or weather related rituals, or any obvious forms of affection and laughter. If Honor and I had tracked in mud, the maid would wipe our trails as we walked. Nothing ever stuck to those floors.

In one way, I had everything I would ever anticipate wanting, growing up the way I did. But in a more important way, I lived in poverty. My parents did not teach me what it was like to love another person. They taught me to live within a contract. They didn't set examples of unconditional love, they told me to follow their rules, and live the life that was set out for me.

I never had to fight for anything in my entire life. The things I wanted were always there. They were handed to me alongside a world of expectations. The sole reason I was born was to take over for my Father. It was what he had done for his Father. What Huntzbergers had been expected to do for generations. I didn't have hope for anything different until Rory had waltzed into my life. She gave me everything, by believing in me. She gave me a different future that the life that was laid out for me. And I had been stupid enough to let it slip through my fingers, as if I never had it at all.

I hadn't seen it at first. The first time she said she loved me, I should've known that she was offering me something that others had to fight for. And yet she was gave it to me so willingly, so trusting that I would take care of the heart she was painstakingly handing to me. She was looking past the title, the bank account, or even the facade of myself the world saw. How much I regretted that moment. I should have instantly engulfed her into my arms. I should have realized that I was the luckiest bastard in the world.

Being responsible for the caring of such a seldom held heart drove me to a different life. A life that was far away from my Father and his ideas for the future of his company. For once, I could decide my future for myself. And as long as I had Rory by my side, anything was possible. I worked harder than I ever had, striving to be more deserving of the love she gave me. The definition of a better man. For her, and for us.

That was it. There would be no better without her.

I grabbed the keys off of the counter, and was in my car before I gave it another thought. I couldn't waste any more time. She couldn't drive us apart anymore. And I couldn't let her. I tried to lose myself in the drive, and not let the nervousness settle in. The drive to Stars Hollow was a familiar one. How many times had I driven this road, to beg for her forgiveness? As many times as I had to, I realized. No matter how many times I had fucked up royally, Rory would end up in my arms, and my life would have meaning again.

If I knew anything about Rory, I knew that she would not be affected by any grand gesture. She didn't want me to show up at her door, softly serenading her with love songs and expensive presents. She would want me to show her that I wasn't like my Father, putting everything before his wife and family. She would want me to show her that I wouldn't leave her like her Dad had done. I had to throw away all of my pride, and beg her if I had to.

The rain was pouring on the windshield. It seemed like the wipers could not move fast enough to catch the massive amounts of rain that fell from the sky. My hands shook, but not from the ever persistent cold. They shook from the nervousness that coursed through my veins. I would either leave Stars Hollow with my wife, or without my heart. I was leaving it with her, regardless if she sent me away or not.

My stomach was in knots as I pulled into the driveway. Rory's car stood in its usual spot, but Lorelai's jeep was gone. I sat in the car for a moment, trying to rediscover my confidence. I recognized the moment for what it was: a crossroad. One way or another, this was coming to an end on this stormy night.

I took note of the light shining from what I knew to be Rory's room. She was in there, surrounded by her books and pro/con lists, stuck in her own head. I got out of the car and stood in the downpour for a moment. My life was waiting for me inside that house.

I stood at the front door, and raised my knuckles to knock. The pounding rain against the roof made it impossible to hear movement from inside the house. With my heart in my throat, I knocked again. As much as she might not want to see me, I couldn't see her leaving me to stand in the rain. Especially since I had no intentions of leaving here until she talked to me.

I backed away from the porch, not wanting to accept the possibility that she heard me and decided to stay dry and warm inside. I stood at her window, extending my cold fingers to tap on the wet glass. The old Logan would have laughed at the thought of standing in the rain and mud for a girl. But this version of myself was more afraid of the loneliness of separation than the humiliation of being so vulnerable.

Any moment. She would come to the window at any moment. She would open it, and her crystal clear eyes would soften at the sight of me at her window. I could see it so vividly in my mind, I hardly registered the rain as it continued to pour down around me. All I needed was her to come to the window. And when she did, our lives could go back to the way they were always supposed to be. Together.

The seconds dragged on, yet Rory did not appear at her window. The seconds turned to minutes, but I did not lose my composure. The blur of thoughts as the minutes ticked by became progressively darker. I had come here to show Rory something. To show her I wasn't going anywhere. But maybe, this was her way of saying something, too. By not coming out, she was showing her own grand gesture. The kind of grand gesture that left me waiting in the rain.

The thought of it left me ill, and I stepped back from the window as if struck by physical force.

I hadn't a clue how long I had been standing there. I just stood, internally willing Rory to appear at the window. Hours could have passed, and I would have been just as wet and affected by her as I always had been. What choice did I have, when I was drawn to her so? We were like two magnets, sometimes opposites, but always near each other.

My mind was too soggy to register the world around me. I focused in on the window, and the window alone. What could she be doing? The image of her, sitting against her door, silently waiting for my departure burnt into my brain. I would always be left with the searing mark of Rory Gilmore. The years we had spent absorbing each other could not be ignored, and I would spend the rest of my life remembering what it was like to be whole. To be loved, and to love in return.

How long could I spend waiting for her? All night, if I had to. But at what point would I realize that enough was enough? Would it ever feel okay to leave her behind? Somehow, I didn't think so. To walk away was to admit defeat, yet I couldn't stand here forever. A dejected sense of reality washed over me. My skin was numb from the falling water, but I was numb for a completely different reason.

"Logan?" The voice broke through the clouds, just as it always had. I hesitated, as if to doubt it could actually be her. I turned towards the voice, and suddenly my internal struggle didn't matter as much as the person standing in front of me.

**Rory**

"Mom! Have you seen my sweatband? The pink, sparkly one?" I stood at the bottom of the stairs, and bellowed up to my Mother. If something of mine went missing, she was usually the prime suspect. She appeared at the top of the stairs, hands on her hips wearing a look of disbelief. "I need it to go on a run."

"Oh, child! Do you realize that it is raining outside? We, as Gilmore women, do not run, jog, power walk or any other word that can be associated with physical exertion. Especially not in rain."

I rolled my eyes at her. I had awoke this morning with an unrelenting desire to run. And strangely, the rain only fueled this craving. The combination of the falling rain and the slap of my feet on wet concrete would be loud enough to distract my mind from itself for a while. I wish it would be that easy, to just drown it all out. But unfortunately, I ran with my problems, not away from them.

"I just want to go for a run, okay? Have you seen it?"

Mom pursed her lips and considered me for a few moments. "I love you honey, but I might have to have you committed. When's the last place you saw it?"

I had to admit, I had only ever worn the thing once. Maybe twice, as a joke. "When Logan and I went to the gym. He bought it because it matched the blush in my cheeks from sweating."

"Woah, how romantic." She told me, not bothering to hide her disgust. "Just go without it. It's not like you'll be sweating, anyway."

"I can't go without it! I need my sweatband!" I exclaimed dramatically.

"Then borrow mine. You're not exactly making a fashion statement here, honey."

"No, Mom! I need mine. I can't go without my sweatband." I could hear the childlike whine in my voice, but made no move to stop it. I felt like a child. I instantly pictured the sweatband in question, sitting in the goodwill box waiting to be donated. In the back of her closet, naturally. I groaned outwardly. "It's at the house. I have to go get it."

I looked at my Mom, and put on my best 'This-isn't-bothering-me' face. I knew she could see right through me, yet she didn't question me on it. "Can I borrow your jeep? You're blocking me in."

She didn't hesitate to place the keys in my hand. "Sookie is coming to pick me up anyway. I'll meet you back here with Chinese, a movie, and a towel to dry off my soaking wet runner of a daughter."

I left the house without giving too much thought to what I was actually doing. I hadn't been back to the house since I pack up my things. Yet, I was going anyway. All for a sparkly, fluorescent pink sweatband. I didn't let myself of any alternative reasons for going there. I just needed that sweatband. Period.

I could feel a new emotion rise through my stomach. I hadn't felt this way since deciding to leave. It took me a few moments to decipher the emotion. It was anger. I was angry. Beyond angry. I was angry at myself for not packing the damn sweatband in the first place. I was angry at Logan for not trying to return it. It was undeniably an irrational anger, I knew. But I couldn't find myself caring. I was upset, and needed to do something. I needed to do something besides crying on the couch with my Mother. I didn't want to eat any more ice cream, or wallow anymore. I wanted to yell. I wanted to be upset with Logan for making it so difficult to walk away from him. Why did I have to love him so much, anyway?

The rain made the drive that much longer, and that only gave me more time to build up my anger in my head. When I finally got there, my blood was boiling. I threw the car into park, and jumped out into the wet street. I didn't let myself think about the look on Logan's face, or the memories I would face inside the door. I only thought of my silly, useless sweatband.

It felt completely ridiculous to knock on the door, but I forced myself to anyway. Why had I left the key when I moved out my stuff? I should have envisioned this moment. A few long moments later, I realized that no one was coming to the door. Where could Logan be, anyway? It was raining. Logan loved to go out in the rain. I could picture him now, playing mini golf in the rain with a nameless woman, who accepted Logan's love without question. The thought infuriated me that much more. No, Lorelai Huntzberger would not be ignored. I balled up my fist like Luke had taught me so many years ago, and put a hole in the window.

Ha!

The glass shattered with a satisfying crunch. I carefully opened the door through the brand new hole. I had always known this house was way too easy to break into, and it was almost funny that I was the one to prove that. I was more than slightly wet, and trailed the mud on my shoes onto the carpet.

The look of the room stopped me dead in my tracks. The living room was in disarray, pillows and empty pizza boxes everywhere. I had a feeling that Colin and Finn definitely had something to do with this.

I instantly averted my eyes, not wanting to change seeing anything else just yet. I walked the familiar path to the bedroom without looking up once. I didn't particularly want to see our bed that we had shared for so long. I went straight to the box of unwanted clothes, looking for the sweatband. Where the hell was it?

My eyes scanned the room quickly, but my thoughts of the sweatband were dropped in the same instantly that my eyes locked with the picture that sat on the bed side table. I recognized it instantly. It was our wedding picture. I held the picture in my hands and drank it in with my eyes. I looked so happy in his arms. So ready to share our lives together.

What had happened to that? We had promised each other forever. And yet, I was calling it quits. It was my fault that it all fell apart, I knew that much to be true. I was the one who broke that promise, yet the hurt was astronomical. I had hurt Logan, and continued to hurt Logan with each and every move that I made.

We belonged together. I knew this to be true. It didn't have to make sense, or be plausible. It didn't have to be a good time to be with Logan, it just was. I had let this secret come in between us. I had done this, and I knew that I had to be the one to fix it. I felt stupid for not telling him in the first place. He deserved to know. I clutched the picture to my chest, and felt my heart beating roughly against it. I didn't know where Logan was, but I knew I needed to find him. I couldn't let another moment go passed without him.

I took off out the door, and didn't look back.

I can't even say I paid much attention to the road. My mind wasn't paying much attention to the cars in front of me, or the rain. In my head, I was with Logan. I was telling him my awful secret I kept from him for too long. I called his work trying to track him down, but he wasn't there. I called Finn, but he was too drunk to give me a straight answer. I settled for going home, at least to try to track him down.

I pulled the jeep into my Mom's usual spot. That was where I found him, standing in the rain at my window. Tears sprang to my eyes at the sight. I studied him, but I didn't have to wonder what he was doing here. He was here for me, and I was finally here for him.

"Logan?" I take a few quick steps closer, wanting to feel the warmth that comes from being in his presence. He turns around, and I know that I can no longer deny him.

My mind raced, and I can't seem to form coherent sentences. I know I need to say something, to tell this beautiful man standing soaking wet in front of me how sorry I am. How I will spend the rest of my life being sorry for breaking us. If only I can open my mouth to tell him this, maybe it can be the first step of fixing it. I inhale as I prepare to grovel.

"I'm-"

"I can't stand it, Rory. I love you. I miss what I thought we both had. It was the type of love that people wait their whole lives for, Ace. You know it's true. I was there, I saw it every day. Your love for me. Our love for each other." He lets out a huff in frustration, wanting to reach out for her but instead settling for running his hands through his wet hair. "Is this really what you wanted to happen? Tell me it is, and I will leave you alone. I want you to have what will make you happy, but I can't function without knowing. Is there any chance left for us? Or should I walk away and forget the impact you've had on me?"

I was stunned back into silence. My impressive vocabulary was no help for me at that moment, because I didn't know of words to express what I felt for him. But I realized that the words weren't as important as the feeling behind them.

"I went to go find you. I didn't know it when I left, but I went looking for you. Not a sweatband."

His crisp brown eyes locked with my tear filled blue ones. I knew he didn't understand the reference of the sweatband, but he understood what I was saying. I went looking for him, just as he had come looking for me. The all-consuming look he wore burned with its intensity. It scared me. It had scared me from the start. But at that moment, nothing scared me more than the thought of being without Logan.

My feet moved on their own accord, and for that I was grateful. I launched myself into his arms unexpectedly. His feet slipped from under him and the next thing I knew, we were laying in the moistened ground. His accepting embrace did not loosen at the impact, nor the mud that was seeping into our pores. I felt completely safe in his arms. I had always been safe here. He was doing more than just embracing me. He was welcoming me back home.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I rub my face against his neck, dying to be closer to him. I pressed myself against him, feeling his warmth through his cold soaking clothes and letting it comfort me.

"Ace, oh, my Ace. I missed you so much." He drinks in my skin, consuming every part of me he can reach. His hands roamed up my soaking wet back, into my hair and down my shoulders. As if he wants to memorize me once again. To make sure I didn't change too drastically in his absence.

His arms encircled my waist, and rolled us over until my back was pressed against the muddy grass. I was reminded of being a little girl, almost desperate for a rainy day. The rainy days brought the puddles that we practically asking to be jumped in. I most happily obliged. Those moments were just like this one in their pureness. Effortlessly happy in the mud, my heart fuller than it had ever been. I opened my eyes, unaware that they had been closed in the peaceful moment and focused on Logan's face. He was fixed on me, and gently swept his thumb across my cheek to wipe away the mud there. And then his lips were on mine.

Despite the cold air, his kiss was smoldering. It blew the lid off of all the control I had, and I could no longer think coherently. All I could focus on was his lips, and the way they parted mine to allow entrance with his tongue. Oh, the way his lips were pressed against mine. How could I try to deny our love, when the evidence of it was all in the way he kissed me? My hips involuntarily spasmed, thrusting against his. He groaned against my lips and I knew that I would take him on my front lawn, in the rain if I could manage it.

He pulled away from me ever so slightly, and I shrunk at the lack of contact. "Mm, Ace. As tempting as the thought of taking you right here is," He smiled at me, a sight I hadn't seen lately. It filled me with warmth and brought the blush to my cheeks.

"Let's go inside." I finished for him. As much as I wanted nothing more than to stay in this moment, I knew there was a lot he needed to hear. Logical thought started to seep into my brain once more and I had to tell him. If we had any chance of being putting back together. "We should talk."

He nodded, his expressive face showing his nervousness. I instantly felt sorry for making him think I could possibly live without him, when it was so obvious that I could do no such thing. He got up quickly, and offered me his hand. Once on my feet, I reached down to pick up the wedding picture that I had carelessly let fall in our embrace. He looked at me with questions in his eye, but didn't say anything. We took one step at a time getting into the house. Neither of us were in a rush, as if we both knew that this could possibly be the last few seconds of clarity before the storm of emotions that was surely to come.

He followed me into my childhood home, as the mud trailed its way behind us. I set down the photo on the first available surface. While his hand never leaving my body, he stared at it carefully. "Where did you get this?"

I avert my eyes away from him, feeling guilty in that moment. But the time for keeping things to myself was over. If I had any hopes for us, I had to tell him everything. A to Z. Soup to nuts. "I kind of broke into our house." I admitted, sucking my bottom lip into my mouth. Anything to stop the deep blush I was sure was apparent on my face.

"You broke into our house?" He asked, the look of confusion apparent on his handsome face. We had known each other a long time, and I knew he wasn't surprised by this confession. As a Gilmore, I left an endless string of questionable decisions. And as a Huntzberger, he expected no less from me.

"Yes. But little did I know what I was looking for was waiting for me here." I smiled a sweet smile at him, the one I gave him when I knew I had done something crazy.

He laughed lightheartedly, and my knees almost buckled at the sound. His hand reached up to cup my face, and I wanted nothing more than for my lips to be reacquainted with his. But I couldn't put this off anymore. He leaned down, just far enough for me to know that he wanted the same thing. Oh, if only a kiss would make everything better. I would spend the rest of my life kissing him. If only I was that lucky.

I pulled away ever so slightly, keeping my hands tight against his shoulders, but he doesn't let me. I sigh, hoping he will still want me after I spill my guts. He looks at me, his eyes so full of hope and disheartenment that it hurt to return his gaze. I pull us to my room, where we can sit and not ruin my Mother's furniture.

"I need to tell you why I left." The look of fear that he gave me was plain on his face, and it was enough to feel my heart break all over again. I cursed myself for keeping this from him for so long. At the time where we needed each other the most, I shut him out in favor of dealing with it myself. And now I could see how big of a mistake that really was. This man who was holding me loved me unlike anyone else. If anyone deserved to know, it was him.

"Do you remember when my Prius hit the big rig?"

He nodded slowly, studying me carefully for signs of distress. "You almost died."

I tried to swallow the thick, emotionally crushing knot in my throat. I instantly thought back to the moment where I woke up in the hospital. Logan was sitting next to me in the uncomfortable chair, eyes drooping. He looked like he hadn't slept in a lifetime, maybe more. He had squeezed my hand, so relieved to see that I was going to be okay. But I wasn't okay.

"I was pregnant." The words slipped from my lips before I had the courage to try to utter them. His hands never left me, but they were unmoving. He didn't even blink in those seconds, and I was suddenly afraid that he would pull away from me. He still hadn't said anything, but his grip on me loosened. I could see the wheels working in his mind. He was letting his thoughts get carried away with him.

"You weren't going to tell me." It wasn't a question. His eyes focused on me, and I could see the hurt that laid there. But I knew I had to tell him the truth, and beg for forgiveness.

"No, I wasn't going to." I hung my head in shame as his hands left my skin. He stepped away from me, letting his freed hands pull at his hair. "I wanted to. I just couldn't."

Not even a second went by, his voice becoming louder with each word. "You couldn't tell me that we had lost a child? Our child, Rory. Do you realize how unfair that is? I deserved to know."

I forced myself to push the tears away. I was in the wrong here, and no amount of tears would solve that. Part of me wanted to run, and hide away like I had been doing, but the look on Logan's face stopped me. He looked so utterly hurt, so filled with heartache and despair, I knew I'd spend the rest of my life making sure he never looked like that again.

"I'm sorry, Logan. I didn't want you to hurt like I was. You didn't know about it yet. There was no reason for you to know we lost what we barely had."

"No reason?" He asked me incredulously. "No reason? I'm your husband Rory. It was my baby too." He sat on my bed and put his face into his hands. I knew in that moment, I had broken his heart again.

I knew I had to make him understand. I had to make him understand that I did this for him. I kneeled in front of him, and rested my hands on his knees. "I should've told you." I admitted without a doubt. "But I didn't want you to have to look at me, and know that I had lost your baby." I took a deep breath that was meant to cleanse, but did nothing of the sort. "That I can't give you the babies that we wanted." He looked up at me, the shock clear as day on his face. But I couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth. "I didn't want you to have to realize that I failed at my most basic instinct- to protect our children."

I couldn't stop them after that. The tears came, falling one after the other in a cascading downpour that reminded me of my life. I let myself admit things that I hadn't had the emotional capacity to think about. "I can't have your children, Logan. And I didn't want you to hate me for it."

I buried my face into my hands, feeling the heavy sense of shame and guilt that had been eating away at me. The room was quiet besides the sounds of my sniffling sobs. After a few painfully tense moments, I felt Logan kneel next to me on the floor.

"You thought I would hate you?" He spoke slowly, as if each word hurt more than the last. When I couldn't make the confirming words come, I simply nodded my head as it lay hidden in my hands. Logan grabbed my wrists and pulled them away from my dirt and tear streaked face. I looked up at him cautiously, and softened at what I say there. He should have been angry with me. I had expected him to storm out, and to realize that maybe divorce was the best option. That he wouldn't want to be with someone who hadn't told him the truth, who had hurt him so much. Instead, I looked up and saw the tears falling from his handsome face. "Rory, nothing in this world could make me hate you."

I had only seen him cry twice in our more than a handful of years together. The first time was in joy, when Honored had given birth to our nephew. And even then, he fabricated that something was stuck in his eye. And the second was at his Grandfather's funeral, where he had held onto my hand so tight, as if I was the only thing keeping him standing there. And even those moments didn't compare to this. He wasn't hiding anything from me. He was allowing himself to be vulnerable as I was in that moment.

"I knew it a long time ago, Ace. That it would always be you I came back to. Nothing else matters. Not where we work, or where we live. It won't matter if we never have kids of our own, or if we decide to adopt a dozen. It wouldn't matter to me if we lived on a shrimp boat, out to sea where you'd have to stop shaving your leg hair. The point is that I love you, Rory. I have for a long time, and I'll never stop."

"Even if we'll never be a normal family? Don't you want that?" I saw the life we could have had, with a big house, and a yard. With blonde, blue eyed babies running around. They would trail in mud and read classic literature. And more importantly, they would have a complete family. A whole unit, like both Logan and I had missed out on.

Oh, and then he looked at me. That look he gave me, and I knew he wanted to devour me whole.

"Normal is boring. Normal is overrated. Normal is not why you love me." He said as he pulled me by my elbow closer to him, and laid those eloquently tender lips on mine. And I knew I was back home.

It was a remarkable feeling, to have your heart break and be put back together in the same stretched out handful of seconds. A moment, shared between two souls that had a sense of belonging to each other. Logan Huntzberger had saved me from myself more than once. He was my other half, and we completed each other in a way that no one else could. Here in his embrace I felt safe. I felt alive, and whole. And I knew as long as we held had this, I would never have to question it again.

**Author's Note: **So, what do we all think? Do you like where it was left off, or should there have been more? Leave a note and tell me what you think!

Also, I have another story in the works for anybody who is a fan of Glee. So, be on a look out for that. Thank you all!


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